you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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