Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i love accidental penises.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
