Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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