sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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