I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
