1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
