I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
