dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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