don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
