Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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