Already got asked if we're dating
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
