WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
