Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
two words: eviction party
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
