I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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