are you still at the devil's house?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
