You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
