I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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