thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
