ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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