So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
