Where did you get a picture of my penis
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
