I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
