It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
