I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
