just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
