A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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