I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
