My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
