Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
