the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
