you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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