just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
