I faked an abortion last night.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
