yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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