exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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