I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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