She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
