i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
