I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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