it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
worst night to have a conscience
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
