I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You made out with two different species that night
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
