This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
