Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
