My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
