What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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