The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
vagina is talking i cant
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
the liver wants what the liver wants
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
