Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I didn't notice because vodka
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Randomize
