Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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