very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
