I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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