The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
