i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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